Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
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