Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you never un-have a 4some
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
