I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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