Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
