Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
