just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
