Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
