I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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