there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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