smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
