I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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