bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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