im about as happy as oj after his trial
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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