Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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