this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
