There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
