So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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