I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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