good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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