im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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