Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
