Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
