no. you can't hotbox the world.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
