Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
