when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
