I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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