I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
