That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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