My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
