So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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