I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
