If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
