she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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