I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
