I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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