the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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