I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
they're like a gay fantastic four
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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