why didn't you poke me back
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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