sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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