Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
