You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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