Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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