I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
