You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
pray to the hookup gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize