i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
