she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
