im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
