Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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