sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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