Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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