so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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