I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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