her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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