We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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