Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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