lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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