she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
