The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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