Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
