Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
