I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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