Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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