i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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