yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
