if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
