; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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