I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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