i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I checked into jail on foursquare
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
