You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need to calm my uterus...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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