Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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