Porn is love you can see.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
