I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
