dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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