Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
