Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
