Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?