I want to make a zoo with you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel