It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
