Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.