I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
