If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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