One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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