new low.... made out with someone while peeing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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