fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
