I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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