I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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