even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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